hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
