I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
