Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
