I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
