You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
