I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
