I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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