Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
