At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
