How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
