You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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