Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
