stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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