i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
