i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
