So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
