Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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