Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
