What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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