bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
