I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
