The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
