Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
