When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
