Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I need to calm my uterus...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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