So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
