didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
