and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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