just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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