His pubic hair was longer than his dick
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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