Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
