it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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