mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
