i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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