I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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