Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
