If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
