So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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