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Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
