But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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