Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
