If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is wine microwaveable?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
