my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
