3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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