i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
