my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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