I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
40s are totally the cure
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
