I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I forget how to act sober
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
