how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
