im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
