you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
