I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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