Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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