piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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