i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
